A blow job is when a man or woman puts their lover’s penis in their mouth, and proceeds to suck and lick it for the man’s pleasure. It’s also called oral sex, fellatio, or "going down on" someone. The female version is called cunnilingus. Men, as you can imagine, are big fans of the ol’ BJ.
Jessica Drake, a porn star, sex educator, and founder of the Guide to Wicked Sex, recommends starting with your hands rather than going right for his penis with your mouth. “Incorporate a lot of different things all at one time. It’s not all about sucking the head of his penis. It’s more about worshipping the entire area. Run your hands up and down his thighs, pet his penis, do some manipulation with your hand, and squeeze it a bit and feel it as the blood flow starts to get going,” she says.
If he hasn’t ejaculated after all that “worshipping,” you can be creative with your mouth, but “err on the side of caution” with how much suction you apply, says Drake. Switch techniques — and hence, sensations — frequently, so things don’t get boring and the excitement can build. You can also use dirty talk to elicit feedback. Drake says men have told her that the three most important things to take into consideration when giving a blow job are:
If you’re into what you’re doing, your partner will be too. Not loving the idea of a penis in your mouth? Definitely feel free to do something instead.
A note on condoms: A CDC report from 2012 shows that young adults might not feel condoms during oral sex are necessary, given that “adolescents perceive fewer health-related risks for oral sex compared with vaginal intercourse.” Unfortunately, there are still plenty of health risks to giving blow jobs and you can still get STIs. So always talk to your partner about their sexual healthy and history before chowing down on their family jewels.
A note on foreskin: If the man is uncircumcised and has foreskin, don’t pull it back too far or it can hurt. “The rumor is that if a guy is uncircumcised, [the] head of the penis is much more sensitive, but I haven’t always found that to be the case,” says Drake.
If you decide to take a blow job to completion (aka ejaculation), that age-old question will likely arise in your brain: Spit or swallow? There’s really no right answer. Drake estimates that about half the men she’s encountered couldn’t care less if you swallow their semen. Bless them. “I think that swallowing [is] something that adult movies have definitely made to be the expectation, but I think it’s important to get permission. If men are going to come, they should give their partner a heads up, so to speak,” says Drake. “If you’re going to try it, do it all in one gulp and see how that is for you. If you’re going to spit, do it discreetly. No one wants to think their bodily fluids are disgusting to a partner.”
During 2015's inaugural season of Empire, Rhonda Cook famously wore what the internet dubbed a “blow-job bib” to go down on her husband Andre. That’s really all there is to say about that.